roseprickles

The Day of Truth

It has come. The day of truth. The day I break a poor man's heart. Again. I tell myself its the right thing to do. Better now than later. You're doing you both a big favor. He'll be fine. You'll survive this. No one died. Just a lot of hopes and dreams. But I'm just not buying it. That's the hardest I think. I'm the one ending it, but really I'm putting to death all the things that I thought I wanted too. Not just killing all of his.

To lose everything you thought you wanted and to have no one to blame but yourself is unbearable at times. It leaves one feeling transported in time to an unfamiliar place without money or a phone number or a sense of bearings at all. Someone asked me recently "So, what are your long-term goals?". I found it hilarious. I responded with "Well, my long-term goals are pretty much shot-to-shit. I'm reevaluating." Poor soul. He didn't know what to do or say. I suppose I'll figure it out. I have to. Or maybe not. Maybe we never really figure it all out. Life is constantly moving and changing, and is rarely fair. It could be that we will be changing our plans and perspectives for the rest of our days. They key is to be movable and changeable. Go where life takes you and make it what you want it to be when you can. In those rare moments when we actually have some sense of where that may be.

No regrets. Just far too many lessons. Too many lessons learnt in the hardest way possible.

I do regret. So much. Especially the hurt. So much pain. Wish I could go back and save someone from even some of it. But that's not possible. And the what-ifs will only drive you mad.

Just pick up and try to learn something from the debris that the disaster left behind.

posted by rosey @ 11:44 PM